8 Simple Tips on How to Get to Know Someone Better

Building connections with new people can sometimes feel tricky, but it doesn’t have to be. Whether you’re meeting someone for the first time or trying to strengthen an existing relationship, learning how to get to know someone is all about being curious, open, and attentive. By asking the right questions, sharing your own stories, and paying attention to what they share, you can create meaningful conversations that deepen your connection.

Getting to know someone takes time, but with the right approach, it can be a fun and rewarding experience that helps you build lasting relationships.

1. Start with Lighthearted Small Talk

The first step in getting to know someone is to start with lighthearted small talk. Small talk is often seen as superficial, but it serves an essential purpose: breaking the ice and creating an atmosphere where both of you feel comfortable. When you start with simple, everyday questions, it gives the other person a chance to open up without feeling overwhelmed.

Begin with easy, non-intrusive topics. You can ask questions like:

“How’s your day going so far?”
“What’s your favorite thing to do on the weekends?”
“Have you tried any new hobbies lately?”

These questions are designed to be conversational openers. They’re simple but effective because they encourage the other person to talk about themselves, which can naturally lead to more in-depth conversations as the interaction progresses.

Additionally, when asking these questions, keep in mind that it’s not just about the words you say—it’s also about the tone. Approach these conversations with warmth and curiosity, avoiding any signs of boredom or disinterest. Small talk is about building comfort, so even if the topics seem basic, your openness and positivity will set the stage for more meaningful discussions later.

Lighthearted questions also give the person space to respond at their comfort level. For example, they might dive into their favorite hobby or keep it brief if they’re not feeling talkative. The key is to be flexible and let the conversation flow naturally without pressuring them to share more than they’re ready for.

As you engage in small talk, take mental notes of any topics that spark excitement or joy in the other person. These are often the topics you can revisit later to build a deeper connection.

2. Show Genuine Interest

Once you’ve started the conversation, the next step is to show genuine interest in what the other person is saying. People can usually tell when someone is just going through the motions versus when they are truly engaged, and showing that you’re interested is a crucial part of getting to know someone.

Active listening is key here. This means more than just hearing the words—they’re saying. It involves truly focusing on their words, tone, and emotions. Here are some ways to demonstrate that you’re genuinely interested:

Maintain eye contact: Looking at the person while they speak shows that you’re paying attention.
Nod and give verbal affirmations: Simple acknowledgments like “I see,” “That’s interesting,” or “Really?” help to keep the conversation flowing and show that you’re engaged.
Ask follow-up questions: If they mention something in passing, like a recent trip or a favorite book, ask them to elaborate. For instance, “What was the highlight of your trip?” or “What do you like about that author?” These types of questions show that you’re interested in learning more.

Genuine interest also involves empathy. Try to understand the emotions behind what the person is saying. If they talk about a stressful day, acknowledge their feelings by saying something like, “That sounds really tough,” or “I can imagine how that might have felt.”

Being interested isn’t just about asking questions—it’s also about respecting their answers. Show that you value their thoughts and experiences, and avoid interrupting or steering the conversation back to yourself too often. Your goal is to understand them better, not just to keep the conversation going.

By showing that you truly care about what they’re saying, you create a safe space where they feel comfortable sharing more. This leads to more meaningful conversations and a deeper understanding of each other.

3. Ask Deeper, Open-Ended Questions

Once you’ve established some initial rapport through small talk and demonstrated genuine interest, it’s time to ask deeper, open-ended questions. These are questions that invite the other person to share more about themselves—beyond surface-level topics like work or hobbies. Open-ended questions can reveal insights into their personality, values, and experiences, which are key components of truly getting to know someone.

Here are a few examples of deeper, open-ended questions:

“What’s something you’re passionate about that not many people know?”
“What’s been one of the most defining moments of your life?”
“What’s a lesson you’ve learned that’s changed your outlook on life?”
“What’s something you’ve always wanted to try but haven’t yet?”

These questions go beyond the usual conversation starters and encourage the other person to reflect and share parts of themselves that they might not reveal in casual conversation. It’s important to strike a balance, though—don’t bombard them with heavy questions all at once. Introduce them gradually, and if you sense that the person is comfortable, you can continue exploring these topics.

Another way to encourage deeper sharing is by showing vulnerability yourself. You don’t have to reveal your innermost secrets right away, but you can share personal experiences that are relevant to the topic. For example, if you ask about a defining moment in their life, you might also share one from your own.

By asking open-ended questions, you allow the conversation to take unexpected and meaningful turns, leading to a more profound understanding of the other person.

4. Share Personal Stories to Create a Connection

Getting to know someone isn’t just about asking questions—it’s about creating a dialogue where both people share and learn about each other. To build a genuine connection, it’s important to share some of your own personal stories and experiences.

When you open up about yourself, it makes the other person feel more comfortable and encourages them to do the same. This reciprocal sharing fosters trust and closeness, making the conversation feel less like an interview and more like a meaningful exchange.

Here are a few ways to integrate your own stories into the conversation:

Relate to their experiences: If the other person shares a story about a travel adventure, you might respond with, “That reminds me of when I went backpacking a few years ago…” This shows that you’re engaged and helps create common ground.
Be vulnerable: It’s okay to share stories that show your authentic self, even if they involve mistakes or challenges. For example, if they’re talking about a career struggle, you could say, “I went through something similar when I changed jobs last year…” Vulnerability often strengthens bonds.
Find shared interests: When you discover common interests, share your experiences in that area. If you both enjoy a particular hobby, dive into a story about how you got started with it or what you love most about it.

The key is to make sure your stories complement the flow of the conversation rather than dominating it. The goal is to keep the dialogue balanced so that both of you feel heard and understood.

By sharing personal stories, you invite the other person to do the same, and this exchange helps deepen the connection between you.

5. Pay Attention to Non-Verbal Cues

In any conversation, non-verbal communication plays a big role. Body language, facial expressions, and tone of voice can often reveal more than words alone. Paying attention to these cues can help you better understand how the other person is feeling and how comfortable they are with the conversation.

Here are some non-verbal signals to watch for:

Body language: Are they leaning in or away? Are they crossing their arms or sitting openly? These subtle cues can tell you whether they’re feeling engaged or defensive.
Facial expressions: Smiling, frowning, or raised eyebrows can indicate how they feel about the topic. If they’re smiling or laughing, they’re likely enjoying the conversation. If they look uncomfortable, it might be time to shift the topic.
Eye contact: Good eye contact usually indicates interest and confidence. If they’re avoiding eye contact or looking away frequently, they might be feeling shy or disinterested.
Tone of voice: A person’s tone can tell you a lot about their emotions. A calm, upbeat tone usually means they’re enjoying the conversation, while a tense or quiet tone could mean they’re feeling uneasy.

It’s important to adjust your approach based on these cues. If the person seems uncomfortable or disengaged, switch to a lighter or more comfortable topic. On the other hand, if they seem animated and enthusiastic, you can delve deeper into the conversation.

By being mindful of non-verbal communication, you can better navigate the conversation and ensure both of you feel comfortable and connected.

6. Respect Their Boundaries

Respecting boundaries is essential for developing a genuine and lasting connection. People have different comfort levels when it comes to sharing personal information, and honoring these limits shows empathy and maturity.

Watch for signals: Be attentive to subtle cues like pauses, changes in body language, or shorter responses that indicate someone may be uncomfortable with a topic. If they seem hesitant, it’s best to steer the conversation in a different direction.
Avoid sensitive topics: Topics like family issues, past relationships, or finances can be sensitive for some people, especially early on. It’s important to allow the other person to bring up these topics when they feel comfortable, rather than pressing for information.
Build trust gradually: Giving people space to share at their own pace helps create a sense of safety. When you respect their boundaries, they’ll feel more comfortable opening up in the future.

Respecting boundaries strengthens the foundation of trust in a relationship, showing that you care about their comfort and well-being, which encourages a more open and honest connection over time.

7. Engage in Shared Activities

Engaging in shared activities is an excellent way to build rapport and get to know someone in a relaxed and enjoyable setting. These activities can be anything from casual hangouts to more planned experiences, and they offer insight into each other’s personality and preferences.

Examples of activities: You can try cooking together, taking a fitness class, going to an art exhibit, or even exploring a new hobby. Shared activities naturally lead to conversation and help you bond over common interests.
Why it works: Shared experiences help you understand how the other person handles different situations, whether it’s teamwork, competition, or relaxation. This also gives you the opportunity to see each other’s strengths and quirks in a low-pressure environment.
Create lasting memories: These shared moments provide a foundation for deeper conversations later on, as you can reminisce about your experiences together, building a shared history.

Through shared activities, you develop a stronger connection and create memorable moments that enhance your relationship, helping it grow in a fun and organic way.

8. Be Patient and Let the Relationship Grow

Patience is a critical component in building any meaningful relationship. While it’s tempting to rush the process of getting to know someone, genuine connections take time to develop. By allowing the relationship to progress naturally, you create a more authentic bond.

Allow for natural progression: Everyone opens up at their own pace, and pushing for immediate closeness can cause discomfort. Let the relationship evolve gradually, enjoying the process of discovery rather than rushing through it.
Celebrate small moments: Appreciate the little things, like shared laughter, interesting conversations, or thoughtful gestures. These small, meaningful interactions build the foundation of a deeper connection.
Consistency and effort: Relationships grow stronger through regular, meaningful interactions. Instead of forcing progress, focus on consistent communication and spending quality time together to build a lasting bond.

Patience allows the relationship to develop authentically, ensuring that both people feel comfortable and valued as trust grows over time. By taking your time, you create a stronger, more enduring connection that is built on mutual respect and understanding.